I have often said that becoming a mother, just carrying a baby in your womb, must kick in the otherwise dorment "guilt" gene. Before my first born made her way into this world I would have said I was a confident woman grounded in my ability to make a decision and stick with it, not second guessing every decision I made. Able to defend my position passionately for how I chose to handle situations and live my life with out guilt or explanation. Then in March of 2002 I found out I was going to be a mom and all that changed.
Maybe that is why I felt the urge/need/desire/deparation to explain my parenting to 2 perfect strangers at Costco. Monday, after picking up the kids at preschool we made a Costco run to pick up milk (a good mother thing to do). I was very diligent in packing the kids for preschool so Ziva would have milk and a snack after preschool and made sure she took a nap before preschool since she was up early (a good mother thing to do). After picking the kids up we went to Costco. I even let the kids play with the toys and taste whatever they were serving instead of rushing in and out. I realized I had $4 cash which would be enough for Corbin and I to split a piece of pizza, drink, and churro. Man I was being a GREAT mom! I felt good!
We get our lunch and sit at the umbrella table Corbin requested, I cut the crust off for Ziva to gnaw on and we say our blessing and begin eating. One of the men working there notices Ziva, she is adorable so I can't blame him. He begins talking to her about her eating the pizza and then asks me if she has a mouth full of teeth.
"No, she just has front teeth" I say.
"Oh, and she can eat that crust" he asks.
I reply "she likes to gnaw on it, I think it feels good on her gums".
"How old is she"
"Fourteen months"
"And she can eat that?"
"Yes, she likes it".
And he walks on and I begin questioning the idea of giving a 14 month old a pizza crust! Maybe I should have packed her something else to eat. Maybe I was just taking the easy way by giving her the crust so she could feed herself. Maybe I am a horrible mother. I wanted to run after the man and tell him I have 3 kids, none of them have been harmed by a pizza crust, it's okay, I'm a good mom!!! But, we had finished eating by the time I processed and it was time to go.
As we walked towards the van with Ziva in the front of the cart, it began sprinkling again so we hurried. Corbin got in the van and as I was trying to get Ziva in first then the milk (a good mother thing to do) a nice lady came and said she would take my cart for me. I thanked her and began trying to hurry to get the diaper bag and milk out of the cart for her. In this process Ziva's cup fell out of the bag. The lady told me there was no hurry. As I bent to get the cup she made these comments:
"I see you have the toxic green stuff" "That is a really gross color" At this point her comment did not register with me. I was busy trying to empty the cart since she had so nicely offered to help me.
As I got in the van and began to drive off I realized she probably thought I was feeding my baby some sort of toxic green looking liquid that she obviously disapproved of. I wanted to run through Costco and show her it was milk in the cup, not kool aid, or margaritas!! But we were headed home so I just continued to feel bad that this unknown woman thought I was a bad mother and was probably telling everyone in Costco about this wacko lady who feeds her baby toxic green poison!!
Why? Why do we judge other parents? Why do we as parents feel judged all the time? Maybe you don't and maybe I am the only one. I think it is time I begin having the confidence I so want my children to have. I think that is what a good mother would do, show her children how to live by living the way she is showing them.
And by the way Corbin had peanut butter, vanilla wafers, marshmallows, cucumbers and chocolate milk for lunch. And I will not feel guilty about it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A Spicy Bite: Mexican Chicken Lasagna
Several people have asked for the recipe for the Mexican Chicken "Lasagna" so here it is. This recipe comes from Pampered Chef's Seasons Best for Fall/Winter 2009. If you have never ordered any of PCs Season's Best cookbooks you don't know what you are missing. They are only $1 and have appetizers, main dishes, and desserts that are great! The cookbooks are also a great alternative to a birthday card for someone. Think about it: you usually spend $2+ on a bday card that people read and then probably throw away. Why not send them a little cookbook w/ a birthday wish inside?
1/4 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves
1 8oz package of cream cheese (you can sub fat free)
2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese, divided (you can use a mixture of Jack/Colby or Jack/Cheddar if you like)
1 medium onion
1 28 oz can enchilada sauce (I actually used 2 cans of mild and 1 can of green chili enchilada sauce and it was pretty good. You can spice it up to your taste by using medium or hot)
12 corn tortillas
3 cups diced or shredded chicken
Since this is a PC recipe it calls for PC products but of course use what you have.
1. Chop cilantro. Place cream cheese in classic batter bowl (or large microwavable bowl) and micro on high for 30-45 seconds or until the cheese is very soft. Add cilantro and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese. mix well. Chop onion w/ the food chopper (if you don't have one of these you really need one!) and set aside. Spread 2/3 cup of the enchilada sauce over the bottom of the Deep Covered Baker (you can use a deep casserole dish that has a lid and can go in the microwave). Pour remaining sauce into a large bowl and set aside.
2. To assemble lasagna, using tongs, dip four of the tortillas into enchilada sauce in the bowl and arrange over sauce in the baker, overlapping as necessary. Scoop half of the cream cheese mixture over tortillas and spread over tortillas (it helps if your cheese mixture is still a bit warm). Top w/ 1 cup of the chicken and on third of the onion. Repeat layers one time. Dip remaining tortillas into sauce and arrange over second layer. Top with remaiing chicken and onion. Pour remaining enchilada sauce over lasagna and sprinkle w/ remaining 1/2 cheese.
3. Microwave, covered, on high 12-15 minutes or until center is hot. Let stand 10 minutes. Sprinkle with additional chopped cilantro. Serve hot.
It says it serves 8 but those are 8 large servings!! This makes a lot.
Several tips: for the chicken if you have a PC Micro-cooker you can cook your chicken in the microwave for about 8 minutes and then shred with the mix-n-chop (this is one of the best Pampered Chef Products EVER!!!)
Because you can cook your chicken in the microwave and the lasagna is cooked in the microwave this is a very quick meal to prepare. I also offer sour cream on the side.
Enjoy!
1/4 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves
1 8oz package of cream cheese (you can sub fat free)
2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese, divided (you can use a mixture of Jack/Colby or Jack/Cheddar if you like)
1 medium onion
1 28 oz can enchilada sauce (I actually used 2 cans of mild and 1 can of green chili enchilada sauce and it was pretty good. You can spice it up to your taste by using medium or hot)
12 corn tortillas
3 cups diced or shredded chicken
Since this is a PC recipe it calls for PC products but of course use what you have.
1. Chop cilantro. Place cream cheese in classic batter bowl (or large microwavable bowl) and micro on high for 30-45 seconds or until the cheese is very soft. Add cilantro and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese. mix well. Chop onion w/ the food chopper (if you don't have one of these you really need one!) and set aside. Spread 2/3 cup of the enchilada sauce over the bottom of the Deep Covered Baker (you can use a deep casserole dish that has a lid and can go in the microwave). Pour remaining sauce into a large bowl and set aside.
2. To assemble lasagna, using tongs, dip four of the tortillas into enchilada sauce in the bowl and arrange over sauce in the baker, overlapping as necessary. Scoop half of the cream cheese mixture over tortillas and spread over tortillas (it helps if your cheese mixture is still a bit warm). Top w/ 1 cup of the chicken and on third of the onion. Repeat layers one time. Dip remaining tortillas into sauce and arrange over second layer. Top with remaiing chicken and onion. Pour remaining enchilada sauce over lasagna and sprinkle w/ remaining 1/2 cheese.
3. Microwave, covered, on high 12-15 minutes or until center is hot. Let stand 10 minutes. Sprinkle with additional chopped cilantro. Serve hot.
It says it serves 8 but those are 8 large servings!! This makes a lot.
Several tips: for the chicken if you have a PC Micro-cooker you can cook your chicken in the microwave for about 8 minutes and then shred with the mix-n-chop (this is one of the best Pampered Chef Products EVER!!!)
Because you can cook your chicken in the microwave and the lasagna is cooked in the microwave this is a very quick meal to prepare. I also offer sour cream on the side.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Judge Not Lest You Be Judged...
Today I took Sarah to begin her career in 2nd grade. It is a bittersweet day to say the least.
Sending Sarah to school has been a deliberate choice we, as her parents, have made since the beginning. Ever since we have had children I have been blessed to have a job that allows me flexiblity. When Sarah was born she came with me to the office when she was only 2 weeks old. I would work from home or go to the office w/ her pack-n-play and all our supplies for the day. She was a fixture there. Since I work with kids with developmental disabilities she was around kids quite a bit. When she was 1 1/2 David began bringing up the idea of her going to preschool a couple of days a week.
This was devastating to me! I thought I would be an awful mom for wanting my daughter to spend time away from me. I agonized over this decision for months. When I dropped her off on her first day she kissed me, waved and off she went. I, of course, cried. How could I want 6 hours a week away from my precious little one. I was an awful mom. Then I experienced the 6 hours a week and it was wonderful. It gave me a whole new appreciation for her and I believe I became a better mom. She was able to be around typically developing kids and experience things for herself, apart from me. To this day I say it was the hardest decision I made for her but it was the best and right decision for her and me.
Fast forward 5 1/2 years later and we are still making those decisions. There are days I would give anything to stay home and homeschool my children. Then there are days I am glad to see Sarah get on the bus and Corbin walk into his preschool class. Am I a horrible mom for this? Do I love my children less than moms who stay home and patiently teach their children in homemade classrooms? My answer to both is...NO! I love my children dearly and want the very best for them. At this point in their lives and ours as a family we believe the best thing is exactly what we are doing? Is it the ideal position? No, I do not value government education as much as I value the lessons, morals, values we are teaching our children. However, due to Sarah going to public school there have be numerous opprotunities to teach fair play, good choices, consequences, God's love, etc, etc... In addition, there have been numerous opprotunities for her to spread her wings, make good choices, show God's love to others, help a hurting child etc. When she was in kindergarten she actually went to every child in her class and her teachers and asked them if they loved Jesus because she loved Him and wanted them to know Him too. I am sure there would be these opprotunities should she be at home with me as her teacher but not in the same way.
So the point to all this? I salute moms, dads, families who are able to stay home and teach their children. I also salute moms, dads, families who get up early every morning to send their little ones off to get an education some place other than home. We all make choices for our families. Just because my family's choice is not the same as yours does not make it wrong, just different. There are many families, single parents, grandparents raising kids that cannot afford the luxury or have the ability to teach their children at home. Do they love them less? No. There are many moms, dads, grandparents, etc. who may jump for joy when the school bus comes around. Do they value their children less? I think not.
Judge not my choices or excitement for the beginning of school lest you be judged for your choices...
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Beef Enchilada Casserole...BIG BITE
Okay, this casserole is AWESOME! The best part is you can make it in less than 30 minutes! The recipe comes from Pampered Chef's 29 Minutes to Dinner.
1lb ground beef- lean if you want so you don't have to drain it
1tbsp Southwest Season Mix (this is PC seasoning but you can sub taco seasoning)
1 can enchilada sauce (I use mild but you can use spicier if you like)
3/4 cup water (I leave this out and add extra salsa)
1/2 cup medium thick and chunky salsa (you really need the thick and chunky!)
12 yellow corn tortillas (do not use flour, it will not work well)
1/4 cup snipped fresh cilantro
1 cup shredded Colby and Monterey Jack cheese blend (more if you like it cheesy)
Sour cream and lime wedges optional
Okay, this is how easy it is:
Put your beef and taco seasoning in a pan and brown it while chopping into little pieces (PC's Mix-n-chop works great for this step). while your beef is cooking take your corn tortillas and stack them about 6 high and cut into 1 inch strips. Grate your cheese and snip your cilantro.
Once your beef is done, drain it if you need to then add the enchilada sauce, water, salsa to the pan and let it simmer then remove it from the heat. Take 1/2 of your tortilla strips and layer the bottom of a microwavable deep dish baker. Put 1/2 the meat mixture on, then 1/2 the cheese and 1/2 the cilantro and repeat.
Stick it inthe microwave for about 5 minutes.
That's it! The serve it w/ sour cream and lime if you choose.
I hope you like it.
1lb ground beef- lean if you want so you don't have to drain it
1tbsp Southwest Season Mix (this is PC seasoning but you can sub taco seasoning)
1 can enchilada sauce (I use mild but you can use spicier if you like)
3/4 cup water (I leave this out and add extra salsa)
1/2 cup medium thick and chunky salsa (you really need the thick and chunky!)
12 yellow corn tortillas (do not use flour, it will not work well)
1/4 cup snipped fresh cilantro
1 cup shredded Colby and Monterey Jack cheese blend (more if you like it cheesy)
Sour cream and lime wedges optional
Okay, this is how easy it is:
Put your beef and taco seasoning in a pan and brown it while chopping into little pieces (PC's Mix-n-chop works great for this step). while your beef is cooking take your corn tortillas and stack them about 6 high and cut into 1 inch strips. Grate your cheese and snip your cilantro.
Once your beef is done, drain it if you need to then add the enchilada sauce, water, salsa to the pan and let it simmer then remove it from the heat. Take 1/2 of your tortilla strips and layer the bottom of a microwavable deep dish baker. Put 1/2 the meat mixture on, then 1/2 the cheese and 1/2 the cilantro and repeat.
Stick it inthe microwave for about 5 minutes.
That's it! The serve it w/ sour cream and lime if you choose.
I hope you like it.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Bite Sized Chicken
Homemade Chicken Nuggets
I am trying my best to get away from serving my family processed foods. It is hard when you need something quick and easy. It is simple to pull out a bag of frozen nuggets and pop them in the oven and have dinner in 15-20 minutes.
I think I have perfected my chicken nuggets and Corbin even told me they were better than Wendy's nuggets and McDonalds so I take it as high praise from the 4 yr old expert on chicken nuggets.
By making them yourself you control the amount of sodium, fat, and quality of chicken.
Ingredients
2-3 Chicken breasts cut into bite sized pieces
1 egg
1/2 cup flour (can use whole wheat or soy flour to boost nutrition)
1/4 cup milk
bread crumbs or crushed crackers
oil
beat the egg and add flour and milk to make your batter. You want the batter to cling to the chicken so if it is a bit runny add more flour. Put oil in a deep pan (I use my stock pot to avoid splatters). Put the crackers or bread crumbs in a gallon sized ziplock bag (you can crush them in here). put the chicken bites in the batter at once and stir around until all coated. Take them out a few at a time and put them in the ziplock bag w/ the crumbs. Shake them up and take them out. continue until all the nuggets have crumb
s on them. I often will put them all in the bag at once and shake then pour them out in a colander. Once your oil is hot put the nuggets in one at a time until the pan is full. I use a slotted spoon or strainer spoon to turn the nuggets over and around. Once they turn a little darker than golden remove them and place on a napkin to drain the grease off. Then enjoy!!
This has become a family fav and really doesn't take that long to make. I hope you try it and if you do let me know how it turned out.
I am trying my best to get away from serving my family processed foods. It is hard when you need something quick and easy. It is simple to pull out a bag of frozen nuggets and pop them in the oven and have dinner in 15-20 minutes.
I think I have perfected my chicken nuggets and Corbin even told me they were better than Wendy's nuggets and McDonalds so I take it as high praise from the 4 yr old expert on chicken nuggets.
By making them yourself you control the amount of sodium, fat, and quality of chicken.
Ingredients
2-3 Chicken breasts cut into bite sized pieces
1 egg
1/2 cup flour (can use whole wheat or soy flour to boost nutrition)
1/4 cup milk
bread crumbs or crushed crackers
oil
beat the egg and add flour and milk to make your batter. You want the batter to cling to the chicken so if it is a bit runny add more flour. Put oil in a deep pan (I use my stock pot to avoid splatters). Put the crackers or bread crumbs in a gallon sized ziplock bag (you can crush them in here). put the chicken bites in the batter at once and stir around until all coated. Take them out a few at a time and put them in the ziplock bag w/ the crumbs. Shake them up and take them out. continue until all the nuggets have crumb
s on them. I often will put them all in the bag at once and shake then pour them out in a colander. Once your oil is hot put the nuggets in one at a time until the pan is full. I use a slotted spoon or strainer spoon to turn the nuggets over and around. Once they turn a little darker than golden remove them and place on a napkin to drain the grease off. Then enjoy!!This has become a family fav and really doesn't take that long to make. I hope you try it and if you do let me know how it turned out.
Monday, July 26, 2010
A Bitter Bite of Life
Over the past week I have encountered 2 women who have shared with me their recent loss of a baby before it was born. My heart breaks for these ladies because I too, know the heartache and questions which come with such a loss.
In 2002 David and I were blessed with the birth of our first child, Sarah. During my pregnancy I was always concerned that something would go wrong. Everytime I went for a check up each midwife I saw at the practice used the same words "everything looks perfect". My pregnancy with Sarah was great. No complications, no issues at all. She even came the day before her due date!! After 21 hours of labor they decided a c-section was necessary for the health and well being of us both. Other than the c-section everything went according to "plan".
In the Fall of 2003 we found out we were going to have another baby. We were very excited and had no cause for concern because the first pregnancy was so good. Since it was my second pregnancy I did not have to go to the doctor as early once the pregnancy test was complete. Around my 16th week I went in for a normal check up. I took Sarah with me. David did not come due to his job and this was a "normal" check up. We would be scheduling the ultrasound at this appointment to find out the sex of the baby in the next few weeks.
As the midwife began trying to find the heartbeat I could read concern on her face. She promptly said she needed to do an ultrasound because she could not find a heartbeat. The ultrasound confirmed my fears...the baby had died. Just a few weeks prior I had heard a strong heartbeat and today, nothing. The ultrasound confirmed the baby had died about 2 weeks prior to my visit.
In 2002 David and I were blessed with the birth of our first child, Sarah. During my pregnancy I was always concerned that something would go wrong. Everytime I went for a check up each midwife I saw at the practice used the same words "everything looks perfect". My pregnancy with Sarah was great. No complications, no issues at all. She even came the day before her due date!! After 21 hours of labor they decided a c-section was necessary for the health and well being of us both. Other than the c-section everything went according to "plan".
In the Fall of 2003 we found out we were going to have another baby. We were very excited and had no cause for concern because the first pregnancy was so good. Since it was my second pregnancy I did not have to go to the doctor as early once the pregnancy test was complete. Around my 16th week I went in for a normal check up. I took Sarah with me. David did not come due to his job and this was a "normal" check up. We would be scheduling the ultrasound at this appointment to find out the sex of the baby in the next few weeks.
As the midwife began trying to find the heartbeat I could read concern on her face. She promptly said she needed to do an ultrasound because she could not find a heartbeat. The ultrasound confirmed my fears...the baby had died. Just a few weeks prior I had heard a strong heartbeat and today, nothing. The ultrasound confirmed the baby had died about 2 weeks prior to my visit.
I sat on the midwife's couch waiting for David to come to the office as I watched Sarah sit on the floor eating goldfish and marshmallows. I don't think I had ever felt so alone. I wondered why God would allow this to happen. The scripture "all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came into being" kept running through my head. Well if that was so, why in the world did he allow me to come to this appointment alone w/ my 1 1/2 yr old to find out my baby had died? And why did He allow my baby to die? Why now? Why me? Did I do something to cause this? Should I have done something different?
Five years and 2 additional children later I still do not have the answers to those questions and I have stopped asking. The Bible tells me that all things work for the good of those who love Him. This is not always a concept to easily accept or understand. I guess that is where faith comes in. Yes, the pain fades but has not yet gone away and I don't know that it will, I hope it doesn't. I never want to forget that I am a mother of 4, even if one of my children skipped forward to heaven and I will meet them on the other side. Sometimes I find myself begging for God to just show me a glipse of their face so I will recognize them. But I really don't think that will be a problem.
Tears are running down my cheeks as I type now. Partly due to saddness and grief for my loss and partly due to the promised hope of the future. I guess that is where faith comes in. Sorrow may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Aaaahhhh, the Sweet Life.....
There is an old hymn that has been running through my head today. I remember singing this in the small church we attended overseas when I was little. Waves of memory flooded over me and I couldn't help but smile. You see, yesterday I was telling my husband how very sad I was. I couldn't put my finger on it but just sadness seemed to invade my soul. I would sit and hold Ziva and rock her and night and cry. I'm not sure why but I think it has something to do with her turning one. I would think about things at work and just be sad. Sarah and Corbin would argue and it would sadden me. I walked through Home Depot yesterday and became heartbroken smelling the smells of a new house and remembering the excitement we had building our house 8 years ago and then moving last year. It seemed to be everywhere, just this veil of saddness.
I told my husband I did not want to be sad. Of course, his first question is "have you taken your medicine" :0) Yes, I did. I began to pray yesterday and today that I wanted to find contentment where I was. Well, God showed up today and reminded me of the sweet life.
I work for a company that works with people who have Intellectual Disabilities and Developmental Disabilities. Today I got the chance to give a presentation to a group of CNAs and Respite Care Workers which will be working at a school. The presentation was a brief overview of Developmental Disabilities. As I gave the presentation I felt a poke from God and realized how blessed I am to have 3 beautiful typically developing children. They may argue, refuse to take naps, resist the dinner I fix but, they can speak, they can move, they can sleep, they can eat, and on and on.
My day starts at 5:15am every morning. I get up and get to work by 6:30 so I can leave by noon and be home so my husband can go to work. When the alarm goes off I often do not feel blessed. When I get home at noon and have to fix lunch for the whole family, I often do not feel blessed. But, today as I was rocking Ziva Jane to sleep, I got another poke. I am so blessed to have a job that allows me to get up early, go to work, come home to be w/ my kids at lunch, rock my baby, see my husband, be a housewife, finish my work at home and on and on. One of my favorite parts of the day is rocking Ziva Jane, reading books to Corbin, and talking with Sarah. I got to do all of those today, and I get to do that everyday!
David and I don't see a lot of one another during the week. He is asleep when I leave for work then he takes care of the kids while I am at work. When I get home he leaves for work and often does not get home until dinner or after. He is in grad school so his time is very limited. This afternoon while I was checking Facebook another poke came. David posted a video on my page for me. It was one telling me he loves me, misses me, and wants to see me. I smiled very large at that!!
"Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done."
Yes, saddness will come again, it always does. But when it does I hope, I pray, I get another poke and begin to count my blessings and take a bite of the sweet life.
I told my husband I did not want to be sad. Of course, his first question is "have you taken your medicine" :0) Yes, I did. I began to pray yesterday and today that I wanted to find contentment where I was. Well, God showed up today and reminded me of the sweet life.
I work for a company that works with people who have Intellectual Disabilities and Developmental Disabilities. Today I got the chance to give a presentation to a group of CNAs and Respite Care Workers which will be working at a school. The presentation was a brief overview of Developmental Disabilities. As I gave the presentation I felt a poke from God and realized how blessed I am to have 3 beautiful typically developing children. They may argue, refuse to take naps, resist the dinner I fix but, they can speak, they can move, they can sleep, they can eat, and on and on.
My day starts at 5:15am every morning. I get up and get to work by 6:30 so I can leave by noon and be home so my husband can go to work. When the alarm goes off I often do not feel blessed. When I get home at noon and have to fix lunch for the whole family, I often do not feel blessed. But, today as I was rocking Ziva Jane to sleep, I got another poke. I am so blessed to have a job that allows me to get up early, go to work, come home to be w/ my kids at lunch, rock my baby, see my husband, be a housewife, finish my work at home and on and on. One of my favorite parts of the day is rocking Ziva Jane, reading books to Corbin, and talking with Sarah. I got to do all of those today, and I get to do that everyday!
David and I don't see a lot of one another during the week. He is asleep when I leave for work then he takes care of the kids while I am at work. When I get home he leaves for work and often does not get home until dinner or after. He is in grad school so his time is very limited. This afternoon while I was checking Facebook another poke came. David posted a video on my page for me. It was one telling me he loves me, misses me, and wants to see me. I smiled very large at that!!
"Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done."
Yes, saddness will come again, it always does. But when it does I hope, I pray, I get another poke and begin to count my blessings and take a bite of the sweet life.
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