There is an old hymn that has been running through my head today. I remember singing this in the small church we attended overseas when I was little. Waves of memory flooded over me and I couldn't help but smile. You see, yesterday I was telling my husband how very sad I was. I couldn't put my finger on it but just sadness seemed to invade my soul. I would sit and hold Ziva and rock her and night and cry. I'm not sure why but I think it has something to do with her turning one. I would think about things at work and just be sad. Sarah and Corbin would argue and it would sadden me. I walked through Home Depot yesterday and became heartbroken smelling the smells of a new house and remembering the excitement we had building our house 8 years ago and then moving last year. It seemed to be everywhere, just this veil of saddness.
I told my husband I did not want to be sad. Of course, his first question is "have you taken your medicine" :0) Yes, I did. I began to pray yesterday and today that I wanted to find contentment where I was. Well, God showed up today and reminded me of the sweet life.
I work for a company that works with people who have Intellectual Disabilities and Developmental Disabilities. Today I got the chance to give a presentation to a group of CNAs and Respite Care Workers which will be working at a school. The presentation was a brief overview of Developmental Disabilities. As I gave the presentation I felt a poke from God and realized how blessed I am to have 3 beautiful typically developing children. They may argue, refuse to take naps, resist the dinner I fix but, they can speak, they can move, they can sleep, they can eat, and on and on.
My day starts at 5:15am every morning. I get up and get to work by 6:30 so I can leave by noon and be home so my husband can go to work. When the alarm goes off I often do not feel blessed. When I get home at noon and have to fix lunch for the whole family, I often do not feel blessed. But, today as I was rocking Ziva Jane to sleep, I got another poke. I am so blessed to have a job that allows me to get up early, go to work, come home to be w/ my kids at lunch, rock my baby, see my husband, be a housewife, finish my work at home and on and on. One of my favorite parts of the day is rocking Ziva Jane, reading books to Corbin, and talking with Sarah. I got to do all of those today, and I get to do that everyday!
David and I don't see a lot of one another during the week. He is asleep when I leave for work then he takes care of the kids while I am at work. When I get home he leaves for work and often does not get home until dinner or after. He is in grad school so his time is very limited. This afternoon while I was checking Facebook another poke came. David posted a video on my page for me. It was one telling me he loves me, misses me, and wants to see me. I smiled very large at that!!
"Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done."
Yes, saddness will come again, it always does. But when it does I hope, I pray, I get another poke and begin to count my blessings and take a bite of the sweet life.
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